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LATEST NEWS
Spring '02
A review of the preview.
The unofficial weekly e-magazine of The Fan Rats
"Well, I tell you years from now, man will say of this game, did it happen? Well, I tell you in the listening audience today, it’s happening. We’re all witness to an occasion long to be remembered, not as propaganda as some would say, but as a magnificent sporting spectacle"
- "Victory" (1981 runner-up for best football film)
"My name is John Colby, not a lot of people know that"
- Michael Caine as "Captain John Colby"
Colonel von Steiner would have applauded yesterday’s MDCVSA Challenge Cup Final if he were there, and not in Brazil dodging Nazi-hunters. A lovely display of never say die from both teams prevailed. Jimmy Gill, even with two broken toes was able get off a blaster from the corner of the penalty box that hit the high side-netting, causing the Metro Sting’s Keeper to quiver. 1:0 to the good guys. The game settled at the half with that score. A halftime pep talk from our devoted police officer come Harley Davidson "weekend warrior" Kang inspired some lovely football, with an emphasis on the short ball passing (will the reserves get to show Sir Alex Giavos their skills this weekend? Or will a ringer get the nod? Or will the ringer show up? Only time shall tell). The second half was a little more interesting.
The second staza commenced the lads from south of the James came with an attitude to disrupt the quest for The Double - the CVSA First Division Championship and the MDCVSA Challenge Cup Championship. It would've been the The Treble, but that was "sauced" away at England v. Sweden. Metro Sting told their "ringer" (yes, we know he was on your summer team last year) to stay away for the first half, as to give The Rats the feeling of field superiority. Well, on came the big man for the second half. (Vincent, if for some reason you are reading this, please don’t beat me up, it would only take two hits, you hitting me and me hitting the deck). The second half was end-to-end stuff, sometimes it was skill, and sometimes it was Mat and Rick being offsides. The big man cometh - Kang "I want a retraction for South Korea being named last week's Wanks!" Lee was able to get the majority of the challenges, alas the big man put his cranium on the ball to bring up the score level at 1:1, an equally nice goal form the pesky bumblebees. The Rats took a late-half goal lead from a David Beckham-like corner kick from our very own Iranian, George "The Cavalier" Tsipas. His lovely curly lob found the other foreigner on the Rats, Ko "I’m proud to be from Birmingham" Das, his header almost ripping the net; a fantastic goal. The look of "oh shit!" was in some of the eyes of The Rats. Time always takes it toll on the legs and lungs, regrettably the Sting were able to capitalize on this and snuck in an 87th minute equalizer.
A few moments of heckling came from two of the Metro Sting’s Hooligan club. The referee, not liking the piss-taking he heard from the crowd, ordered his assistant to "call the cops" if they continued. With that out of the way, the next off-the-field challenge came from the "family section" of the crowd. A complaint about the offensive language prompted even more potty mouth from the Rat coaching staff. Funny really, the Rats have a "family section", too, none of our ladies complain (that’s because they know we’re a bunch of obnoxious ale drinking foul mouthed toe rags).
Back to the game, the looks of OH SHIT! were for real now, 2:2. A controversial non-call from the linesman had the Sting knocking of the door of Jeff’s domain. Naturally, the diligent diplomatic instructions to the linesman - "come on you fucking wanker" and "you cunt" - paid off, because his flag went up as quickly as Mash’s cock whilst watching Luton Town football reruns, that nullified the potential winner for the Sting.
The end of regulation was upon us, sudden death, and the golden goal. Who would strike first? The Sting had a certain Senegalese type of karma surrounding them, down, but not out. A motivational speech from our very own Captain John Colby (Johnny X.) made for a nice calming effect on the lads. The overtime had started, near misses on both sides and the tension was mounting, even Whiskey couldn’t bear the suspension. Jimmy Gill asked for a sub, due to his aching feet (plus he wanted a fag). It was like slow motion, the ball came to Kevin Smith’s feet from some lovely passing, and a characteristic Mike whiff, and he just let it go! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Rats were now the proud new champions, lots of hugs and tears, handshakes and well wishes. The Rats and Metro Sting have a great deal of respect for each other, a well-tempered game. Congrats to the Sting for a well fought battle.
As promised, last weeks Wank is rescinded. Thank you Korea for knocking off Portugal and allowing the USA into the next round - NO SOUP FOR YOU MÉXICO. COME BACK IN FOUR YEAR!!! Ha Ha amigos, enjoy your flight back to Guadalahara. Jeff Agoos has the honor of getting two Weekly Wanks in a row.
THE WANK(s)
"your Total Sports-we can change the TV lineup as we see fit-Network. Thanks for re arranging the schedule so the games could not be watched live."
Have a lovely summer, and please be safe! See you next season!
Love,
Mr. Wank
LATEST NEWS
A review of the preview.
The unofficial weekly e-magazine of The Fan Rats
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, and nothing is gonna get me down"
-Tubthumpin’ Chumbawumba
Hello my faithful readers, the regular season has come to an end. This past weekend, Sir Alex Giavos put in his squad rotation into effect. The "regulars" were rested for the upcoming MDCVSA Challenge Cup and the faithful other members of the Rats were called upon to play out the remaining game of the season, problem was, only eight of the guys turned up to play the game against our Christian friends on that lovely Saturday morning. A somewhat humiliating showing, with the referee not wanting to allow his linesman the authority of an offside call, Stanley missing a penalty kick (I wonder if it was the referee's fault again, just like last week!), even though Maty B, ran all the way from the other end of the field and was able to request in a complete sentence without passing out, may he please take it. Denied of this, and Stanley doing his Baggio (or Roach, for that matter) impression, the Rats were now down 0:3, when it could have been 2:2. Obviously, the boys were quite deflated, and only one thing could cheer ‘em up. Yes, you guessed it, a surprise visit to the field from our very own Scottish hooligan, Johnny C. Roach. You could see the excitement in everyone’s eyes. Rick Lyons facial statement was that of a child seeing Santa Claus in the mall, glowing with excitement at the inevitability of field coaching heckles from the Glaswegian. Actually it was nice to see the lad - Jeff had someone to shout at now, and vice versa.
The second half was a little more interesting. A halftime pep talk from our devoted police officer come Harley Davidson "weekend warrior" Kang inspired some lovely football, with an emphasis on the short ball passing (will the reserves get to show Sir Alex Giavos their skills this weekend? Or will a ringer get the nod? Only time shall tell). The final tally was 2:7, actual score unknown, but as mentioned before, the lads used this as a good training session just in case they get the call up.
Steve Goodwin, if you are reading this - PLEASE BRING THE GAME BALLS TO THE GAMES THIS WEEKEND, OR CALL SOMEONE TO GET THEM FROM YOU. THANKS LOVE.
The 2002 MDCVSA Challenge Cup is now upon us. The Rats have not been very influential in this tournament, however this year it would be a much welcome change if they turn up to play some much needed hot football. Two years ago the lads were forced into an overtime battle with The Lions "Masters Of Ringers", and last year - well we won’t talk about that.
All the tents, food, drinks, dogs, orangutans and breakfast cereals won’t mean shit if the Rats are not ready for the first game. For the sake that is all holy, please boys, get a good night's sleep and lay of the ale the night before. If England does make it to the second round, Derek has asked the author of The Wank to display this important message:
-
Ahoy!, all you wanky ale swilling limeys. Please do not get bulloxed prior to the
game(s) on Saturday. This includes you, Mike! And every other Brit in the house!
A return visit from our other Iranian brother from Birmingham will be welcomed this weekend. Ko Das has made himself available for this weekends tourney. With the expected unavailability from several members on the team, Ko’s return should help things in the middle of the field.
Well, I am tired and I must save some energy to perform some "self reflecting" wanking. As one wanker said to the other wanker "when it rains it pours" so many easy wankers could be named this week.
THE WANK(s)
"For the stupid ice-dance after their goal - get over it you cunts"
See you bright and early Saturday morning. Be at the field no later than 0815 so we can all rub some of Rick’s Icy Hot all over each other.
LATEST NEWS
A review of the preview.
The unofficial weekly e-magazine of The Fan Rats
"My hour is almost come, when I sulphurous and tormenting flames must render up myself, pity me not, but lend thy serious to what I shall unfold"
-The Tragedy of Hamlet; Scene V, Act 1 "
"The Treble is dead; Long live the Double!"
-Derek McCown, June 3, 2002
"WWWWWWaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"
-Fan Rats, June 2, 2002
As many of you might know, the editor of The Wank is one of the fellas that sits, and on occasions, plays with you all on a weekly basis. So, please take my comments as just simple observations from a minimally educated man from the Rats of yesteryear.
The regular season comes to a close this upcoming Saturday, June 8th, 2002 at Bryan Park against our brothers that think that they are the only athletes that play in the glory of the supreme being (proposed new name for next years Rats; "Rats for Christ"), just a thought.
Anyway, back to the present.
Hot, really hot, probably 115°F on the playing field of Sports Backers Stadium at kick off time for the final of Copa Bruce 2002. Silly name really, why would a group of non-sports backers have a stadium built any way? I don’t back any sports, so I will have a stadium for that! We shall call it The University of Richmond Stadium. So sayeth the person that doth not support sports. Sorry, I’m going on a tangent.
As the referee asked that both team’s starters please line up at walk to the center of the field in unison, it was apparent that this was to be a special day for all that had done so much to be here.
Approximately fifteen minutes prior to the parade of the chosen twenty two, the families and friends of both teams gathered at the side of the pitch to warm up, stretch, laugh and joke, Mike was caught combing his "summer edition" orange facial hair.
Game faces were on by all. As a new father myself (at least one that I know is mine), it was especially comforting to hear one of our own fathers say to his son "this is what it is all about, to play on a nice field like this, this makes it all worth while". I know that most of us have not had the privilege to play on pitches like this during our career. Last year it was UR stadium (with a fee attached), but this year, one of the incentives to win the Copa Bruce was that we were allowed to play on The Sports Backers Stadium, and this particular Rat was proud and was sharing the moment with his son.
Emotions were at an all time high for the season, for some reason the pesky Lions bring out the strangest emotions from the Rats.
Every one of us have had a moment(s) of rage and or loss of control on the field, so as the unofficial voice of the Rats, I must insist that we look onto future successes and not hold any grudges against our fellow team mate(s) for his actions this weekend. Stanley is the person I am talking about in the previous paragraph. He was simply looking for a fair call from what he was the victim of five minutes earlier. Please don’t second-guess the outcome, what if we had this? What if we had that? (editor's note - we'll never know will we?) The situation is this, my loyal readers, we are a team that has been together for many years, gone through some rough times, but it would appear that finally we have come together. We have enjoyed a wonderful season, and we still have a chance for some more glory.
It would be too easy to blame the shortest ref in northern America (editor's note - why don't we blame Lions Express, who came to play soccer, not to whine. What a novel fucking idea!!) (central America has a ref shorter, his legs were severed during a protested call) for the result today, but I must appeal to the intellectual group of readers (players wives) of "The Wank".
THE WANK(s)
"For his inevitable fuck-ups in Korea"
"How many times a year do we get to play at Sports Backers - shitty pitches were made for hangovers (and we have plenty of those)!!"
LATEST NEWS
A review of the preview.
The unofficial weekly e-magazine of The Fan Rats
"Maximus, Maximus. The crowd loves you Maximus, but I am the Emperor. I embrace you as a brother; cover up his wounds and prepare him for to fight."
The Copa Bruce semifinals were played at La Stade de Lumière de la Côte du Sud - "Elkhardt Middle School" for the rest of us. After some last minute field preparations by the Rats very own groundskeeping crew (Johnny X. and Maty B.) the field was ready for the upcoming battle between the Rats and the 8.9% boys from Capital One FC.
Being sober and ready to roll, the Rats had a wonderful mid-week player turn out (and not the smelly kind, mind you). For the enemy, new "performance" evaluations proved to be fatal for the Cap One FC guys, it seemed that at least half of their team were stilling sweating behind their desks at kick off time. Little did Cap One know, that the Rats subconsciously feel sorry for the team that has less players than them, and play accordingly. Not this time though, feeling no mercy, the scoring came 15 minutes into the half when Johnny Roach was molested in the penalty area and the ref saw fit to award the Rats a penalty - Roachie argued for advantage as he enjoyed the grope ("what's in your briefs, matee?"). Uncharacteristically, Roachie calmly slid the ball in the lower right to put the boys ahead. Moments later 2 more goals sliced the throat of the Premier Division creditors and there was no looking back. I apologize if I forgot your name to recognize you for scoring. E-mail me at pissoff@fanrats.com.
Stanley, Jimmy, Trey and Kevin added to the score, a total of six went in, and a misinterpreted rule by the ref allowed the enemy a consolation penalty late in the battle. Poor Jeff got a boot to the side of the head that caused him to leave the game early, but not before he advised the ref that he thought that the ref was a cunt. Naughty, naughty - Jeff was shown the refs very own 8.9% yellow bankcard for his subtle comment. After the game it was rumored that Jeff said that "pain is an aphrodisiac for him" - rumor has it that Daniel was the target of his amourous feelings as Jeff spends all game looking at his scrawny ass anyway. The game ended at 6-1 in favor of the Rats. Onto the Copa Bruce Final at Richmond Sports Backers Stadium, noon kick off against our dreaded rivals the Lions Express.
Just as an added incentive, not that Derek McCown hasn’t already said enough, but I must remind those of us that played two years ago against the Lions "Masters" in the 2000 MDCVSA Challenge Cup Semifinal. These are the majority of the guys that produced the ringer team against us. This game is huge for both teams; bragging rights are definitely on the line here. Hopefully no one will be drunk after watching the England vs. Sweden game early that day at The Copa Room. Plenty of time for some ale later in the day boys, so please behave.
The quest for The Treble is closer than it has ever been. Get plenty of rest players and fans alike. See you at the big game Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!!!!!!!!!
THE WANK(s)
"That insist of fucking up any field that resembles a 'campo del futbol' to the point where the city placed two 10 foot poles 5 feet into the ground on the pitch yesterday to keep these mauraders off."
Thanks to Mr. Mike Barbour from The Richmond City Parks & Recreation Department whom dispatched a backhoe to remove them so that we could play Wednesday night.
LATEST NEWS
A review of the preview.
The unofficial weekly e-magazine of The Fan Rats
"Times like this were made for Taster's Choice".
Well, well, well, a hot week/month of footy awaits us all. If you haven’t prepared your significant other(s) to the fact that The World Cup is about to kick off, and that the Rats are about to take on the final two stages of The Treble, then you must self assign yourself The Wank of the Week. For it will be a grueling month of playing and watching the best teams of the world. Many hours will be spent in a Secret Hideout otherwise known as "The Copa Room". If you need directions, you are already lost.
With paying our respects to the men and women that gave their lives in order for many generations to live in a world of less oppression, no local football was played this weekend and the rest of the football world was in remission too.
In preparation of the World Cup, Fox Sports World is doing it’s best to show as many infomercials as possible. (If I have to sit through anymore fucking infomercials trying to sell me a "Gazelle" fitness machines or telling me that I need a fat calculator to add up my daily food intake, I might have to put a Liverpool kiss on me on telly), But any way, It’s all quite before the storm.
Derek was representing the Rats in the semifinal draw of The Copa Bruce. The Rats have drawn the 8.9% APR boys of "I’m in a job today, unemployed tomorrow" Capital One F.C. Hey fellas! What’s in your wallet?
Last time these two teams met, it was a warm fall afternoon in downtown Short Pump, Virginia. The Rats, without a real goalkeeper, gave way to the financial wankyboys by loosing 3-1. Several blown offside calls and a unintentional bad back head allowed the Capital One’s "ringer" Stoyanovic in for two of their goals. Kang and Daniel please be aware of this pesky Ruskie.
Well, this is a short Wank this week, I will be writing another sometime Thursday. No particular Wank will be awarded this time, however I’m sure that you have done something this week to award yourself with a Wank.
Get ready to play your bollocks off tomorrow night!
LATEST NEWS
A review of the preview.
The unofficial weekly e-magazine of The Fan Rats
"Blessed are the cheese makers, for they shall inherit the earth"
Golly gee, what a game the lads put on this past weekend. The 2002 MDCVSA Challenge Cup pulled it's uncircumcised head out of it's year long hiatus this week with several teams having to play a playoff game to get into the final eight.
This year The Rats were forced into a playoff game with northern Virginia's very own F.C. Berserkers of the hated NVSL. As mentioned on an earlier edition of The Weekly Wank, the Rats and F.C. Berserkers on paper were statistically even. On paper it was a lock. But as that fat bastard on ESPN would say "that's why they play the game".
A three o'clock kick off was slated for the game. With the unintentional assistance of Matt Bogard and the Lions F.C., the game actually started fifty minutes late. Good thing as many of the players arrived at 2:56pm. Some of the lads looked a little confused, maybe it was that it was 3pm on a Sunday and they were not drunk. Well enough about that, on with a commentary of the game.
Looking around for a ball to kick, the lads briskly stormed on the field like a bunch of crazed women at a Wal Mart sale. Focused and intent on playing this game with all guns cocked and loaded (I said cocked) the ref make his only good call of the game, and that was him blowing the whistle to start the game.
Mike (it wouldn't be The Weekly Wank without a Mike G reference) showed everyone how he could run from sideline to sideline twenty times before he actually touched the ball. The Scottish duo knew what was at hand today and showed up accordingly. The only problem was that when the two started speaking to each other, it sounded like the subliminal messages one would receive from a Ozzy Osborne record, quite scary but sensual, in a sexy way. The game was end-to-end stuff, good passing by both teams. The advantage went to the Rats with the stifling bone crunching tackles being made by the entire defensive unit.
The first break of the game came from some lovely ball skill. Jimmy Gill started the scoring with a boot from the eighteen-yard line that ricocheted off the top left corner of the goal onto the keeper's head and bounced over the goal line. One-nil, the Rats were looking like a team on a mission. Four minutes later Kevin Smith belted another full volley cracker into the net; the Rats were taking the piss!
Shocked and feeling a little home sick, the visitors found themselves in a bit of trouble. Going two-nil down was not what Señor Berserker had ordered for this fine day of football. Maybe the Rats had hit the enemy in the ball bag too early? F.C. Berserkers responded with some fine play and was able to break down the Rats' wall of scoring repression with an equally deserved goal. Two-one, game definitely on!
The nicest guy on the Rats team (George) was the first of many players that day to be shown Mr. Ref's Yellow bankcard. Not an intentional foul, but Mr. Ref decided to give poor old George a booking. More on that later.
The halftime whistle came not a moment too soon. A lovely show from Andrew "I brought my own beer this week" Burton this week, he supplied the lads with the orange slices (from the Premier Orange Company), oh yes(!) and the game balls. Thanks Andrew, you only owe us, ten cases of beer now.
The halftime strategic session was going into full drive - some well meant "fuck off's" were heard as well as "keep your head Stanley"'s were also noted. Kevin Smith was quite delighted with his citric breathing treatment as well. All adjustments were made, the bongos had been percusseded, and the boys hit the field for the second half of the battle.
The tempo was that of rabbit having its way with another bunny, quick, natural, but with one major difference, not much produced from it. For a little while F.C. Berserkers had the possession game down packed. An unfortunate second booking for George had him heading for the sidelines early. The Rats now had to take on F.C. Berserkers with ten men.
Pulling their shorts up and donning an impressive team "Camel Toe" the lads were defending at all costs. The spirit and never surrender attitude was reminiscent of Sir Winston Churchill. A near miss from a free kick and a great save from a Johnny Roach belter kept the enemy close.
Jeff the keeper and his faithful team mates "kept on getting it " in the second half to stop an offensive push from the other guys. Not even Mike Brady's look a like could break the wall down in the second half. The ref would not blow the whistle, when Mike G was beaten on the back of the head with the goalies fist, simultaneously Mat Burton was trying to kick the ball into the net, the only ball(s) he got a hold off with his foot was some poor bastard from The Berserkers that got in his way - OUCH!
After a hard fought game, the whistle blew and The Rats are heading for the 2002 MDCVSA Challenge Cup Finals in Richmond June 15-16. Look out all you non-believers! The Treble looms ever closer. The boys have a week off to be with friends and family this weekend. The Semifinal of The Copa Bruce will be played on Wednesday May 29th, time & opponent to be announced at Trey & DeEtte's farewell bash at former Weekly Wank Rick Lyons's pad.
And finally, The Weekly Wank has to honor the Wank of the week. George, if you weren't such a good looking, excellent sandwich making, all around friendly Iranian, you would be the receiver of this prestigious honor. But because you are all of those things and more to a lot of people, you have been excused from this Weekly Wank.
THE WANK(s)
"Went to New England watching the US National team and didn't tell the roster guy I was going to be out of town although we have a fixed roster"
LATEST NEWS
A review of the preview.
The unofficial weekly e-magazine of The Fan Rats
One down, two to go for the Treble - the boys pulled off some late minute heroics this past Sunday. A game in which all the guys needed to do was win and they would walk away with the CVSA Spring '02 First Division title.
A bright and lovely Sunday morning, little birds singing, dogs barking and moms all over the country enjoying some "freshly picked" flowers from Food Lion. The scene has been set, the lads knowing what’s at hand. With approximately eighty percent of the team present, those missing had reasonable excuses ranging from spousal ankle fractures to out of town commitments . . . Trey I assume was preparing for the big off. On the other side of things, Bandito’s showed up with the dirty half dozen, then a couple of the enemy infiltrated through the chain link fences of the Stadium Of Light to make up a formidable team of nine. In typical fashion, The Rats secretly felt sorry for the opponent and played down to their level. Slowly but surely the enemy pulled up to full strength.
The game was as sloppy as Mike when he gets two beers in him. Miscommunication, bad passing, misinterpretation of the Scottish dialogue (even more so than ever). It was looking bleak!
A moment of pure brilliance came about thirty minutes into the first half. Fed up with watching Mat and Rick fall over, Jimmy Gill decided to launch the ball from about thirty yards over the keepers head to put the boys in Black ahead one-nil. This display of pose and vision was reminiscent of young Skywalker precisely placing the missile in the target that blew up the Death Star. What a goal!!!!! Then disaster struck, Bandito’s snuck through the wall of Rat droppings and fired a shot into the back of the net, game on! One to one, things were getting a little desperate.
The half time didn’t come soon enough. With Late arrivals from Mash and Josh, The Rats were fully equipped with subs now. The gang put their heads together and came up with some changes for the second half. In simple terms "stop playing like a bunch of wankers and win this son of a bitch".
The ref(s) blew the whistle to start the game, and off they went, not much to really to talk about for the first ten minutes. Several and I mean several close misses came from Rick, Kevin and Mat. These ulcer-causing misfires had The Rats scratching their heads and wondering if the luck of the season had come to and end? The shots and passes came into Bandito’s goalmouth like a cheap porno film - until one beautiful moment, William Wallace’s spirit entered the body of our very own Johnny "Cock" Roach and compelled him to scrap like he was fighting off the English, winning the ball from two of the Bandito’s players, then heroically putting the round hagus in the back of the net.
As per usual fashion of late - it wasn’t pretty, but it was a win and this victory has sealed the First Division Championship. Congrats to all!
This weekend has The Rats squaring off with F.C. Berserkers in the MDCVSA Challenge Cup. The Berserkers are enjoying a winning season themselves. They have a record of six wins and two ties, twenty goals for and six against. Statistically The Rats match up, however the boys need to show up with a win-at-all-costs attitude this weekend if they want to proceed any further in this cup match up. Hopefully everyone will get a good night’s sleep and refrain from any "Raves" that Will Mason might temp some of the guys with.
THE WANK(s)
Smacking the post from 28" away
Mat "My Brother is a Beer Mooch" Burton
Trying break the net on an open goal and missing
Kevin "The Pensioner" Smith
Feeling sorry for the Bandito’s Goalkeeper
LATEST NEWS
A review of the preview.
The unofficial weekly e-magazine of The Fan Rats
As one person said to the other, "It’s better late than never".
Hello my fellow teammates, as part of our ever-growing need for information, I have decided to indulge in a new feature for the players and fans of The Fan Rats. From now on, you will be able to read about last week’s game and upcoming games in a format that will hopefully entertain as well as educate you.
Of course this "e-mag" will be presented in a way that it does not hold any punches and hopefully will not offend. If you read your contract, in section 4 paragraph 7, sentence 4:
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"As part of being a Rat, at any given moment you will be the topic of a good tongue lashing and the brunt of any
joke."
With this stated, please feel free to respond to the editor via e-mail. Too bad I am anonymous.
As already mention by Mr. McCown, the Fan Rats are lining up a possible run for the "Treble". One game will put the lads back into the championship for the Copa Bruce. Wednesday May 29th at the Southside’s version of The Stadium Of Lights - Elkhardt Middle School - will be the place where the Rats will be digging in for a semifinal war with a team yet to be drawn. The final four teams consist of Lions Express, Capital One F.C., Dynamo, and yours truly.
All three teams are well equipped and are capable of derailing the Rat patrol, however, one must wonder, is this the year of the Rat?
On the league front, The Rats came off with an exquisite showing this past weekend against the Ravens of Poe's Pub. Going up 1-0 right before halftime was quite an achievement considering the day prior, the boys (and girls) of The Rats traveled to its annual William & Mary "career ending' six-a-side tournament.
With its usual tally of "well he can't play because he hurt himself yesterday" the Rats were able to put in a full squad, not the prettiest, but one full of love and honor.
While second half started with a fury, problem was it was from the other team. Three quick strikes put the boys in white down 1-3. Frustrated with how his hair looked after the third, Brent Atkinson whipped off his shirt like he was going to make love to his beautiful lady friend in the woods and calmly stormed off the field spilling some light heart potty mouth for all to endure. (Reruns courtesy of
Thursday night). With twenty minutes to go, Kevin Smith stood alone in the center circle taking a few moments to have a
"mental breathing treatment". After refueling his ageless body and mind he went on a tirade similar to Mel Gibson in The
Patriot (didn't the Brits get beat in that one?). Putting the ball in the back of the net like launching missile on the
Taliban, precise and meaningful. The entire team responded to this offensive with poise and grace. No need for the ref to
dig into his lint filled pockets this week. A remarkable comeback, in the spirit of all Rocky films, the Rats prevailed and
won the game 4-3.
On Mother's Day we show our respect, love and admiration for the lady that gave us the privilege to play football. In doing so, I feel that The Rats should show up on Sunday morning with the mentality of not only giving thanks to all our mums but to win the league for her and all mums. The Rats can clinch the title with a win on Sunday, so hopefully the boys will come out hungry to claim the title, and kick the shit out of Bandito's, Rick Lyons be damned!
Looking ahead, The Rats play host to FC Berserkers from DC on May 19th in the qualify round for the State Challenge Cup. A victory put the guys in the final eight.
Until next week, keep your shorts on and calm down.
THE WANK(s)
For storming off of the field at 1:3 against Poe's Pub Ravens - the score reflecting his contributions thus far to the match - and missing the 3-goal-in-20-minutes rally that led the Rats to victory. Congrats, matee!
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- 09/13/05)