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The defending state champions started a beautiful cloudless morning at Bryan Park against Atlas. Clad in their new natty "all-black" attire [the slimming effect on Matt Borgard was stupendous!], the Fan Rats stuffed Atlas 9:1. Nothing bad to say about Atlas; they came up from the First Division to "take one for the league" and compete in the Premier Division - a road less travelled in recent years by many. For the Men in Black, it was their 34th consecutive CVSA Regular Season victory; and 37th consecutive CVSA Regular Season game without a loss.
In a parallel universe a scant 10 miles away at Short Pump, the Rat Masters resumed their heated (and getting hotter) rivalry against BlackWatch Masters in front of the Taj Mahal on Pouncey Tract Road. BlackWatch started with eleven and no substitutes. In the 5th minute a BlackWatch player who wasn't happy with his service at Sidewalk Café the night before took a swing at our own beloved Johnny X. and paid the price - ejection! Another BlackWatch player succummed to heat exhaustion, and the Rat Masters were up two men. Unfortunately, that numerical anomaly only opened up passing lanes for BlackWatch and left their midfielders free to roam like buffalo across the Wyoming prairie, unmarked and free to wreak havoc. After the match stayed deadlocked at 1:1, the Rats finally woke up and put home four more by the half to take a 5:1 lead into the break and coast to a 6:2 victory, even after BlackWatch brought in some reserves in the second stanza. Mike Finnie played some courageous relief in goal due to some "illness", and Mike G let everyone know - once again - that a pass to anyone other than him is the wrong pass. Anyway, the Rat Masters are 4-0-0, three points clear with a game in hand, and one major hurdle gone in the division.
To wrap up the weekend, the action returned to Bryan Park for the afternoon session with Sidewalk Café taking on Richmond Blaze in the most animated match of the day. With a sideline healthy with supporters, Sidewalk was eager to avenge their 0:1 loss in the Fall '03 season to the Blaze. The game started with the Blaze all over Sidewalk, pounding the goal while Mat "Free At Last" Burton was keeping the Dragons at bay. Gilberto Béjarano let loose a worm-burner to keep the young whipper-snappers down 1:0 at the break after Paul "Never Mind the Bollocks" Marsh decided to recite some Sex Pistols lyrics in the 5th minute to the referee and was handed the same fate as that BlackWatch player who was pissed off with his service the night before - ejection! The second half was an exibition of hot geriatric football. Blaze evened the score on a breakaway as 1990 CVSA MVP Jimmy Gill was lazy on his offside trap. But being the workaday Merseysider that he is, Jimmy floated gracefully through the air two minutes hence to send a cross into the back of the net to put the Sidewalkers up 2:1 in short order. Kevin "The Pensioner" Smith won a scramble in the box and jammed home a winner shortly thereafter to reset matters at 3:1 - the assist from from newly-fortysomething Mike Gregory put the combined age of the "1-2" combo at a healthy 86 years. Gill then started the long-range bombing with a 25yd strike inside the left post to make it 4:1. After "The Pensioner" slide-tackled a cross from five yards out the fireworks started - as a ball rolled out from the Blaze box Gregory chased it down but yielded right of way to the oncoming Pensioner who struck a 40yd rocket that was still rising as it hit the net for 6:1 lead and undoubtely the CVSA Goal of Year. A sloppy garbage time tally made the final 6:2, but took none of the lustre off of the afternoon. Special thanks to the Lions Soccer Club & Cary Wright for bringing their unfinished keg over for the match, and to Mike G for packing up the tent and returning the aformentioned free keg to the local boooze shop.
 1990 CVSA MVP Jimmy Gill hits paydirt |
 Mash lets the referee know who's in charge |
 The Pensioner decides to go long range |
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Nothing much to report, as I've been too busy at work. Have a good week. Hope we have some material for next week. Rat Masters took a weeknight tilt off of Metro Sting Masters.
Pay your dues and remember to bathe.
The defending MDCVSA State Cup Champions started against old nemisis Lions Express. The game was a rematch of the 2003-'04 CVSA Cup Championship, where the Rats prevailed 5:2. Lions Express came out quickly and jumped to a 2:0 lead with revenge drooling from their chops. The wagon train then switched directions as the Rats scored five unanswered goals, and then let in a cheap one [someting about "near man / far man offsides" from the referees; must be a second cousin to Cold Fusion or Perpetual Motion] to remain up 5:3 at the half. Three more tallies pegged the final at 8:3 for a thorough lambasting. In an interesting bit of symmetry, John Roach brought his Mum & Pa over from the Old Country [no, not Bush Gardens], and for the first time since October 1, 2000 they were in attendance at a Fan Rats game. The opponent four years ago - Lions Express. However instead of suffering a 0:1 loss as they did on that rainy day at Oakwood, the Rats prevailed; and Roach didn't bite anyone from Lions Express like he did back then.
Sidewalk Café was anxious to get up off the mat from a dreadful Spring '04 season where only one win could be tallied. The opponent - Soccer Team FC. We all remember them. The Fall '03 match where they called Sidewalk "old men", "fat", "slow", "pu**ies", etc., and then lost to those same old codgers 1:2. Well, this time there was no need for such name calling as Soccer Team FC disbanded less than 48 hours before the first match. Thus Sidewalk was awarded a 2:0 victory. The final tally against the younger, swifter, and more skilled Soccer Team FC - three wins, no losses. Enough said.
The Rat Masters opened the campaign against longtime rival Big Nasty Masters. What was predicted to be a close match ended up being an a$$-whuppin' behind the woodshed. The Rat Masters scored early and never looked back, romping to an 8:0 victory. Stanley Rich, Carter Berry, Steve Gregory, & Johnny X. scratched the scoresheet for the Rat Masters. For Big Nasty, Tad "Second Helping" Nelson could only whine about the "rough" play, forgetting that when a Rat Masters player had his ACL taken out a few years back by the Nasties, Tad was quick with the "suck it up dude" & "our guy got all ball" - wait; what's that? Supper bell's-a-ringin'!! Better git them vittles 'fore they're gone, Tad!! And try to hold us under a touchdown next time.
 Soccer Team FC upon realizing they're finished |
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 With Lions Express conquered, Roach contemplates lunch |
 Tad Nelson looks for the second helping |
THE WANK(s)
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- 09/13/05)