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LATEST NEWS

  • 11/23/04 - ANOTHER BELTWAY TEAM GOES DOWN - The Fan Rats travelled to the urban paradise of Northern Virginia to take on the Aegean Hawks of the Washington Premier League [WPL] in a USASA National Amateur Cup State-level Semifinal. Donkey said he was just too busy to write a match report. Boo hoo. Anyway, we do know this:

    • The field is in a bad neighborhood.
    • The field is made of plastic grass. Corner flags couldn't be used.
    • There were a number of hispanic gentlemen occypying the field before gametime. They cheered loudly when Gilberto "Gili" Béjarano scored. The remainder of the gringoes didn't do too much to excite our friends from south of the border for the remainder of the match.
    • It was 2:2 at the half. Rats prevailed 4:2
    • The Fan Rats advance to the state-level final against Dynamos FC of the WPL.


  • 12/03/04 - RAT MASTERS ADVANCE - The Rat Masters an early holiday present from Kingston FC - a concession of their First Round Copa Bruce match set for tomorrow at Bryan Park. With the 2:0 victory, the Rat Masters advance to the Second Round of the Copa Bruce, to be played in February '05.
  • 11/22/04 - PERFECTION! - The Rat Masters entered the Fall '04 season with a trimmed-down roster, hoping to improve on the spring's 6th-place finish. Yesterday, Poe's Pub Ravens became the last domino to fall in a perfect regular season run for the Fall '04 Rat Masters. 12 - 0 - 0. A long campaign highlighted by conquests of a laundry list of bitter longtime rivals - Lions Masters, BlackWatch Masters, Edo's Squid, Poe's Pub Ravens [a total of two standing points were gained from those opponents in Spring '04, a record of 0-2-2]. Many pieces had to fall into place, and they did. As for the final act, man-of-the-match Jeff "Two-touch" Oberg came out of the goal to show everyone how it is done. Hustle, grit, and the aforementioned healthy dose of profanity drove "Da Big 'O'" to a 20-yd. strike to put the Rat Masters ahead 1:0 early on. After Poe's scored a circus goal of their own, Ricki LoPresti showed that speed, guile, and skill aren't needed to score goals. Spending most of the second half loitering at the far post, Ricki let two crosses bounce off of his knee & shin, respectively, and into the net to seal matters and close the perfect regular season.


  • 11/15/04 - CVSA CUP: A WIN, A LOSS, A BYE - From the time when he was a wee lad, Jimmy Gill wanted to be a footballer. He started out in the hardscrabble neigbourhoods [British spelling] abutting the Liverpool shipyards, where they used balled-up scrap iron for a football. From there Jimmy went to the Liverpool FC youth program, but the fast living in the States lured him across the pond. Now his esteemable talents are property of Sidewalk Café [courtesy of a free transfer], as all of them were needed. The 1990 CVSA MVP showed that he still had it, tallying a hat trick against the wannabe reefer enthusiasts known as Kingston FC on a tropical Sunday afternoon. Trailing 1:0 after a 5th-minute defensive lapse by fratboy-turned state's atttorney Mike Huberman, Sidewalk weathered a string of profanities from goalkepper Jeff Oberg. Like he did just two weeks hence, Jimmy single-handedly took matters into his own hands, and ripped three strikes - from near, far, medium range to lift Sidewalk to a 3:1 advantage. The eventual 6:1 victory was a bit of revenge for the 1:3 loss suffered by Sidewalk to Kingston FC last February to be eliminated from the Copa Bruce.

    The Rat Masters saw their 11-game winning streak come to an end at the hands of eventual Third Division Champions Action FC by a score of 0:8. No excusues here. Just a thorough lambasting. Like the first game, goalkeeper Jeff Oberg supplied a healthy dose of profanity.

    The defending CVSA Cup Champions had the week off.



  • 11/12/04 - BELTWAY BOYS REPULSED! - LCC International of the Washington Premier League made the trip down I-95 to play the Fan Rats in this much anticipated state-level quarterfinal match up in the USASA National Amateur Cup. LCC are the holders of three MDCVSA State Cup titles: 1996-'97, 2000-'01, & 2001-'02. They also represented the MDCVSA in the Region I qualifier for the 2003-'04 Lamar Hunt US Open Cup - in sum, they weren't slouches. Having tried to get the game played on two previous occasions, it was a case of third time lucky on a chilly night at Dorey Park.

    With Roach barking orders from the sidelines (some things never change) the Rats got off to a confident start keeping the ball and finding their feet against the highly rated WPL outfit. Gilberto Béjarano (a.k.a Mr. Tequila) got on the ball and began to dictate the tempo early doors. Rumor has it that his Gatorade bottle was actually filled with José Cuervo and that was the reason he played with a smile on his face all night. The Rats had the better of it in the opening stages with Kwaku Adu-Gyamfi going close and Kofi Sey looking dangerous down the right wing. The final ball was letting the Rats down as LCC defended strongly. LCC started to come back into the game and had a 10 minute spell where they had a couple of half chances and were gaining in confidence. As the half time whistle blew, the game was still locked at 0:0 and a place in the next round was still up for grabs.

    Kofi A arrived via helicopter from is UN Summit meeting and was able to suit up and get involved in the second half. The Rats came out with great purpose and began to attack LCC down the sides, with Andy McIntosh starting to get in the game bit more ("just give it to Macca" I think was the basis of the Donkey's half time words of wisdom). In the 52nd minute, after another Rats attack, Kofi A was brought down in the area and a penalty was given. Up stepped the reliable McIntosh and the rest is history . . . 1:0 Rats. With their 'tails' up, the Rats could smell blood (and it wasn't coming from Rizzo's tampon - LCC #13) and went after a second goal. LCC started to play higher up the pitch and began to commit more players forward which left even more space for the speedy Rats (apart from Donkey) to exploit. Béjarano was out on the right and he clipped a beautiful ball into the box which hit the Donkey's head and with the LCC keeper stranded the ball nestled in the bottom corner . . . business as usual . . . 2:0 Rats.

    LCC began to get out their handbags and grew more frustrated as they were not getting any joy out of the Rats' back four. On the counter attack, Kofi A was played through and after a challenge with the 'keeper, Achempong came out the winner and passed the ball into an empty net . . . 3:0 Rats. Having been kicked around for 30 mins because of his ridiculous pace and his stance on Iraq, Kofi A had to take a seat to John Roach. I know what you're thinking . . . what the hell is Roachy playing for? Read on and you will find out. The Rats showed great discipline by continuing to defy all LCC's attacks and were determined to keep a clean sheet. Milorad Djoredivic was particularly excited as he claimed he has never had a 'clean sheet' since his arrival in Richmond . . . dirty Serbian bastard. After losing his balance, nearly getting an assist for an LCC goal and on the verge of pulling his hamstring, Roach managed to get in behind (as he often does in Richbrau) and showed everyone how to finish. A classic inside of the foot strike, low to the keepers left (and no, it wasn't the white boots) . . . 4:0 to the Rats. The Rats had several more opportunities to make the score line even more emphatic, but in the end, had to "settle" for just the four goals this time around.

    The Fan Rats now advance to the state-level semifinal round where they will meet another WPL team in the form of the Aegean Hawks. The game is scheduled for Sunday, November 21st up in Arlington.





  • 11/11/04 - THE AUTUMN WIND IS A RAT . . .

      The Autumn Wind is a Rat
      Blustering in from the Fan
      With a rollicking song he sweeps along
      swaggering boisterously

      His face is weather beaten
      He wears a hooded sash
      With his black jersey about his back
      And a bristly black moustache

      He growls as he storms the country
      A villain big and bold
      And the trees all shake and quiver and quake
      As he robs them of their gold

      The Autumn wind is a Rat
      Pillaging just for fun
      He'll knock you 'round and upside down
      And laugh when he's conquered and won


    The Rat Masters cobbled together a team of haggard veterans on a cool night at Dorey Park. The game was meaningless in the standings, but meaningful in light of the opponent - Edo's Squid. Edo's Squid won the Fall '03 & Spring '04 Masters Division Championships; however with the division clinched the Rats knew that a full squad would be a luxury. Starting with nine men, the Rat Masters went down 0:1. Two quick strikes by Steve Gregory & Mike Hubermann put the Rats ahead 2:1. Mike Gregory executed a blind, backward header to extend the lead to 3:1, but Edo's struck back, putting the ball past our infirmed goalkeeper. The half ended at 3:2. The second stanza was chippy, as the Rats squandered multiple one-on-ones and shot the ball far and wide into the cornfields. Mike Gregory laced a 40-yard chip over a cheating 'keeper to finalize matters at 4:2. All of this was accomplished with Carter Berry in goal, his knee unable to bend as it was swollen stiff. Carter could barely walk across the goalmouth but still held Edo's to a respectable two goals.

    It should be known that this is the same Edo's squad that had t-shirts printed up with a depiction of a squid choking both a Lion and a Rat - an 0-2-0, 5GF/9GA tally against the Lions Masters and Rat Masters this season will probably make these shirts a bit scarce on the streets for the near future. And for some reason Edo's toned down the trash talking this time around; we guess five losses in the division will do that.

    The Autumn Wind is a Rat . . .

    Henrico County Parks & Rec personnel
    clean up debris left at Dorey Park on
    Wednesday night, November 10. The debris
    is thought to be the remains of a dead
    giant squid.





  • 11/08/04 - THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK; SIDEWALK FINISHES STRONG; RAT MASTERS BRING HOME CHAMPIONSHIP -

      IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."


    The Fan Rats were brought back to earth courtesy of their most bitter rivals - Lions FC - 0:6 at Bryan Park yesterday. With the win the Lions take the Fall '04 Premier Division Championship. No excuses, the better team won. However the Rats incredible run must be recognized as well:
    • 37 game CVSA Regular Season winning streak
    • 40 game CVSA Regular Season unbeaten streak
    • 61-4-1 since the beginning of the 2002-'03 season

    The streak is over; time to pick up the pieces and move forward.

    Sidewalk Café finished the Fall '04 Regular Season strong with a 5:0 win over Kingston FC. The final tally is 6-1-2, good for second place in the Second Division. Sidewalk faces this same Kingston team in the First Round of the CVSA Cup on Sunday November 14. Kingston knocked Sidewalk Café out of last season's Copa Bruce with a 3:1 beating at Oakwood last February. If you think you played a good game and want to be recognized in this space, please submit a legible entry.

    Rat Masters took its Fall '04 tally to 10-0-0 with a 4:1 victory over the Daredevils yesterday at Bryan Park. With the win the Rat Masters are the CVSA Fall '04 Masters Division Champions, dethroning Edo's Squid's run of two consecutive titles. Gilberto Béjarano, Derek McCown, Stanley Rich, and Mike Gregory all scored for the Rat Masters.



  • 11/05/04 - LCC INT'L GOES TRICK-O'-TREATING; SIDEWALK WINS A SQUEAKER; RAT MASTERS CONQUER THE EVIL EMPIRE - Halloween brought plenty of tricks and treats to Bryan Park & Dorey Park this past week.

    The first trick came courtesy of LCC International of the Washington Premier League. The Fan Rats were ready to start defense of their state-level USASA National Amateur Cup championship Sunday afternoon at Dorey Park. After the date was set, LCC had problems from the attendance side, and even went as far as to claim that they would be forfeitting their local league game in Maryland. After complaining to the state authorities, the national cup game was postponed. LCC DID play their WPL game in Maryland, winning 4:1. The game was rescheduled for Thursday, November 4th at Dorey Park, but rain got in the way. Afterwards the LCC folks tried to cite a non-existent rule stating that since the November 4th game was postponed due to rain, the home team priviliges would transfer to them. Hmmmmm . . . let's get this straight:

    • LCC International turns down the October 31 date set by the state-level USASA National Cup commissioner, stating that they had too many players that were unavailable, and that they would even have to forfeit their WPL regular season match that day.


    • LCC ended up playing their regular season game, and won 4:1 with a full team.


    • The game is rescheduled for Thursday November 4, but gets rained out. LCC then claims that they should get the home date now beacuse of the rain.


    And we can't understand why their would be any ruminations of DC/NoVa bias in the MDCVSA! Well played, LCC.

    On the "treat" side, from the time when he was a wee lad, Jimmy Gill wanted to be a footballer. He started out in the hardscrabble neigbourhoods [British spelling] abutting the Liverpool shipyards, where they used balled-up scrap iron for a football. From there Jimmy went to the Liverpool FC youth program, but the fast living in the States lured him across the pond. Now his esteemable talents are property of Sidewalk Café [courtesy of a free transfer], as all of them were needed. The 1990 CVSA MVP showed that he still had it, tallying a hat trick against the space cadets known as Galaxy FU on a tropical Sunday afternoon. Trailing 1:0, Francesco Ricardo Antonio Benito Abondanza LoPresti - who finally sired a male heir on his 472nd attempt - laid a beautiful corner across the box which Jimmy dispatched to the back of the net in short order. His second tally of the afternoon came after a scramble in the box as Jimmy neatly picked up the trash and slotted home the ball for a 2:1 advantage. After the spacemen equalised [British spelling], the final curtain was drawn in the 87th minute. After taking a ball from midfield and faking out eight men, Stanley Ri¢h uncharacteristically passed the ball before taking on the ninth; Jimmy faked and did a "rainbow" chip over the helpless netminder. Final - Sidewalk Café 3:2 Galaxy FU.

    The undefeated Rat Masters took their 8-0-0 record into a midweek clash against second-placed and bitter rival Lions Masters. This match would have serious repercussions in regard to the Fall '04 Masters Division race. After an early [1st minute] setback via a well-deserved red card, the Rat Masters faced an uphill battle all night. Gilberto Béjarano was the star of the evening, hitting the game winner in the 27th minute. The remainder of the match was a classic battle, with the Evil Empire going down 1:0 when the final whistle blew for the Rat Masters third consecutive shutout against the Lions Masters. The Rat Masters hold a 3-1-2 advantage since this rivalry renewed in the spring of 2003, and have held Lions Masters scoreless for 270+ minutes.

    THE WANK(s)


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